I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
