I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
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