Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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