Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
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