Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
