when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
