I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
