naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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