Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
