i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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