a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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