i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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