my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
