Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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