I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
