Betty ford says i'm here all night
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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