It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
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So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
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I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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