"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize