I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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