almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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