She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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