I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
