i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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