At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
