Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I don't deserve a penis
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
