I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
