i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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