So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
