You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
