Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
