yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
