We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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