Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
