These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
