Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
