I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
