We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
