Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
