i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize