He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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