im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
