According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
