Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have fence marks all over my body
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
