I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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