I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
