You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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