god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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