Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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