i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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