I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
