At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
His hands were made for my vagina.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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