he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
