she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
