just tell him i said nine months
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
