how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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