just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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