I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
