she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
