Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
