so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
