I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
