Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize