i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
