The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
