ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
