your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
