I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
