True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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