Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
