I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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