Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
