half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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