im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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