So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
