At least make sure they are 18
Why
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
