We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
