Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Fuck appropriateness.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
