Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
