3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
