So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
