The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
