I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
