Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
